My Bonnie lies over the ocean
WE GOT ANOTHER DOG. Her name is Bonnie and she’s the cutest, sweetest little ball of fluff that you’ve ever seen. If you’re a Border Collie fan, then I’d definitely advise you to find a pup from an actual farm. I don’t know what it is, but those working dogs have such good breeding. Bonnie is from a dairy farm near Riebeek Wes. It took us forever to drive out into the farmlands to fetch her! I got her as a gift for Francois as he’s NEVER had his own, own dog and I think there’s something beautiful in having a companion like that. Francois loves bodyboarding and is at the beach every second day, so Bonnie (and Jack) are going to get loads of time outside! Dogs are also great because they keep you active. I don’t know what I would do without Jack, he’s the actual best. Anyway, Bonnie…
She is super cute but she is such. hard. work. right now! She’s really nervous in cars and makes a poo (!!!!) every time I put her in there. Francois has the weakest stomach I’ve ever ‘seen’ so I’m doing ALL the potty training and pick-ups myself. If he even smells a dog poo, his eyes water and he gags and it takes him so long to recover that I just do it all because really… it’s not that dramatic. Maybe motherhood toughened me up in that department. Does anyone have any tips on getting a puppy used to a car? Do I just google “How to make your dog stop pooing in your car?” This morning, she pood THREE TIMES on my BACK SEAT. She was sitting between the kids and made a pretty lady turd right between the boys. Then we had a nice long, peaceful drive on the highway with Bonnie crying, the kids screaming and me trying to chuck towels on the mess from the front seat while trying to navigate lane changes. Get a puppy guys, it’s great. Two towels, three poos and one vomit later, I got home. What is up with this dog? Do they get nervous tummies? Is it safer to just stop feeding her altogether? Her other favourite thing is to crawl under my seat while I’m going 100 on the highway and then sticks her head out at my feet pedals, which is GREAT for my anxiety and all of your general safety. (I’ve learned to stuff things under my chair so she can’t get in there!)
Potty training is just. not. happening. I wake up to a screaming family every morning because Bonnie really enjoys pooing in the bathrooms and in the passage that separates our bedrooms. She then especially enjoys stepping IN HER OWN (warm, squishy) poo, followed by running around the house and sometimes even rolls in it. I generally wake up to Francois gagging down the passage and the kids shrieking as they all (like intelligent, observant humans) keep stepping IN IT. It has been several weeks of this and my children (Francois included) have not learned to look down before entering the passage. We even bought those special Puppy Training Mats that look like big linen savers. They’re expensive and absorbent, designed and manufactured to encourage the puppy to use them. Something about a special scent added that attracts the puppy and provokes natural instincts and encourages return behavior. WELL.
Bonnie’s favourite this is to take these special and expensive mats and chew them to absolute shreds. Even the ones that I’ve frantically tossed on her puddles to absorb the liquids. I actually think that she prefers those, to be honest. Right now, this house is a mess of soggy newspaper, shredded cotton and half-chewed rolls of toilet paper. We’ve bought special cleaning products, air fresheners (with timers) and even specific sprays from the pet shop to break down bacteria and disguise odours. Every time Bonnie ‘goes’ inside, I have to cover it up like a freakin crime scene and I am tired. It’s really hard work to make it look like we’re a semi-hygienic, decent family at the moment.
So anyway, we got a dog. She’s cute and disgusting and you’d totally love her. This morning I caught her chewing on stale turds from the cat’s litterbox, wagging her tail at me in delight. Please will someone come and fetch her. Send us love, light… and a time machine. Welcome to our home, Bonnie Banana xxx