I did something a little crazy.

I’ve been thinking about how I seriously need to increase my serotonin and improve my fitness… so I entered a marathon. Obviously. 

Okay so it’s a 21km (half marathon) but we’ll just keep referring to it as a marathon for both dramatic affect and to make me seem a lot fitter than I am. 

Also – I have actually run / jogged / walked / waddled a 21km before. I finished at a mediocre pace but I did it. I cried into an almost-stranger’s arms at the finish line and then I crashed for 2 days afterward BUT. I finished. 

I did the Knysna Forest Marathon which is super fun. It’s held during the Oyster Festival so it’s just a big party with thousands of people and festivities. They have dozens of ‘water stations’ along the way and the hosts of those dress up and play music and there are randoms braaing and drinking beer on the tailgate of their bakkies and it’s just awesome. The water points are a bit serious along the beginning and then toward the end, okes are giving you tequila and blasting Katy Perry and it gets wild. 

I remember crying for the last few km. I hadn’t done ANY downhill training and had stress fractures all along my shinbones from that Simola hill. 

If it wasn’t for the entry level ASICS I’d bought and the Falke socks I would have been finished. 21km and not a single blister. How? 

Anyway, so the race (marathon) takes place on 9 July so I thought I’d give you an extremely real docu-series-forward-slash psychological experiment. Because. It is psychological for me. 

I don’t like running. 

I like walking my dogs in the park while sipping a fresh coffee and checking my phone. That’s fine. Actual running sucks. That feeling as if  your chest is on actual fire and you’re inhaling frostbite air? Not my best. 

Am I fit? No. I think that I’m 37 this year and the most exercise I get is by doing 8 loads of laundry over a weekend.

So my deal is: I’m gonna start by trying to hit 1km without stopping. Think that sounds funny? Try running 1km without stopping. Not on a treadmill, friends. Run around a park that has hills and bumps along the path and other people and cyclists to dodge. Add 10 points if you’re navigating trees. Move back two spaces if you trip over a root / rock / branch / dog. 

Once I hit 1km, I’ll go for the dreaded 5km. Then to 10. And THEN: (and I’ve been told this by pros like a dozen times) “If you can hit 15km, you can hit 21km”

Please know that I’m only going to max at 15km so the 21km is going to be a bit of a lucky packet for me. “Will she hop onto the Paramedic team’s four-wheelers half way? Descend into a bush? Join a random braai or get lost at the tequila stand?” 

Who knows.

During the next few weeks there’s gonna be a lot of “this sucks” and “running is for freaks nobody is even chasing me” and “wine is much more fun than fitness” BUT 

I will show up at that race. Nobody is motivating, pushing, sponsoring or encouraging me. It’s all me and by the way: “me” generally sucks at fitness / health goals. I’m the gal who eats salads for 4 days then Big Macs for three because “I earned it”

Anyway, it’s no fun complaining alone so I’ll do it here. Follow along… If only for entertainment value.

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